i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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