Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
