This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
