dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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