drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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