the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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