U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
