You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
