I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize