On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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