I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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