Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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