I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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