dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize