I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
