i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she peed on how many people?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
