i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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