just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
