Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
