Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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