I've blown a few things in my day
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
