I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
