So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
