my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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