i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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