Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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