life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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