Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
