can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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