Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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