She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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