First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Floor bacon is actually really good
These tits shall not be calmed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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