You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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