i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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