You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
