She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
