Just cropdusted the office
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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