He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
