Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
