So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
