I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need moral support for this bender
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
