My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
