i jhust puked up my retainher.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
