I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
