the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
