I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize