I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
