Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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