you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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