i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
