he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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