I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
