Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
