Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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