you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
