I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
