Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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