I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
