Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know her cup size but not her name....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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