So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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