i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
