whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
