Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
