i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i believe in u and ur pee
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
