My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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