I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
