dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize