i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
