he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
