It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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