It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We left the knife in your bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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